Playtime's over [28 Jun 2004|02:30am] [ mood | determined ] [ music | Ayumi Hamasaki - Dearest ] Welp... tomorrow we SERIOUSLY start getting this ball rolling. Gran's gonna send me $500 to help me out. I'm gonna use 50 of it to open a bank account. She's mailing the remaining money I have, icluding the money I had before I started Job Corp and my tax return money. All in all adding up to around $1800, that should be everything.... I call DJ tomorrow and tell him i have the car... then I call the lady up to try and get into this aprtment. It's just a starting place for me is all i'm pretty much looking for right now... just a place to call home... Not sure how this whole "4-family home" thing works... but I'm always up for something new... What else.... I'm hoping I'm not seriously beginning to get on Sher and Al's nerves.... i went a little overboard with my celebration time... But on the bright side, I think I've had enough drinking for a while. And now that I'm not drinking so much, I'm also smoking less.... maybe I should use this as an example to myself of what too much repression can do to me once it gets unleashed. ..........Once I get this taken care of... maybe I can finally start looking into other problems.... such as my unfulfilling love life... or lack thereof. I think it's getting time for me to get over Jeff.... .............. I've never met him.... I know I would have no chance with him.... but even still.... I love him... but pursuing those feelings would be tresspassing in a way i swore to God and myself that i would never do..... so.... maybe it's time I stopped fueling it with fantasies that are never going to be a reality.... I've also got to learn to stop putting TOO much thought into everything I do, as well as what everyone else does... if I want to be cautious I am now fully aware of my capabilities in THAT department... but at the same time.... Maybe it's time I stopped trying to KNOW everything and PREDICT everything and stop analyzing all of my OWN movements and actions and just concentrate on just being Joel.... and let everyone else just be them.... And maybe i should get to bed... I've got a busy day tomorrow... :P sweeter delight

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