Current mood:	worried
Current music:	Ayumi Hamasaki - Dearest

Waiting... again....
I feel like I've over-stayed my welcome.... I was so sure that when i left Job Corp, I'd be able to just jump right into my car AND my job and get things going.... and it just hasn't worked out that way.... first, there was a week's holdup with the car, which shut down any chances I had with doing ANYTHING.... and.... All I could do was wait and plan on what would happen when I got it.... it felt like complete and total wasted time.... time I could have spent otherwise doing what it took to get on my feet.... time I knew I could not ask of people anymore than necessary..... and that wait... and not being able to do anything just left me the same as I was in Job Corp....

waiting....

But.... this week was different.... i got the car on Thursday.... and called the job.... making sure they hadn't forgotten about me... and they hadn't in spite of what was happening THERE..... and now all I have to wait is for the drug test to come back which i am SURE I will pass.... (Maybe...) And I'm going to look at the apartment on Saturday.... I'm hoping I'll be able to get it... but.... if I don't.....

There is SO much riding on this week..... Sher tells me it'll all work out.... I'm trying to believe that.... but.... there's always the luck factor, isn't there? What if and what if..... FUCK there is too much in the air now and there is NOTHING I can do about it!!!!

And the worst part is.... all I can do is WAIT!!!

I can do other things in the meantime.... MINOR things to make the MAJOR things run smoother IF and only IF they all go according to plan..... I HAVE a plan.... but..... so much has to fall into place and SO MUCH OF IT is beyond my control.....

................ Please, God..... if you hear me.... Let this work out.... I am and WILL do what I need to do.... no matter the cost to myself.... please don't let it crumble....