~Obsession~ Cloud 297 v 1.0

Long time abscence

2009-05-28T06:28:29Z

Welp, I have net access again, so i figured I should update.

These days, I'm living with a friend of mine who's taken me in after my room-mate bailed on me AND losing my job at Pizza Hut. SO. At this point, i'm just feeling completely dead inside.

I'm just lost. I don't know how else to put it.

I know that I don't really want another job. And my dreams have just been shot down too many times to fly anymore. I don't really know why I'm still going, but as long as I keep waking up, I will.

I know what I have to do, I just don't think i have it in me anymore...

If I have any luck, or graces left, I just hope that I can be granted some kind of drive...

Something to live for...

The Hellion's Guide to Rock: Part Two - Finding Bandmates

2008-08-08T03:55:48Z

Welcome, dear readers, to another installment of TheHellion’s Guide to Starting a Band. Forgive the lateness of this latest edition – I’ve been super busy with band stuff (read: sighing a lot, occasionally writing a chord name on a piece of paper, and watching season 2 of Golden Girls on repeat.)

If you’ve read my first installment, then you’ve hopefully been able to decide which instrument you should play. If not, perhaps you should consider learning trombone and joining a ska band, or taking up (shudder) keyboard.

Assuming you’ve found your calling, let’s move forward with the next step in the process: how to find bandmates. At this juncture, I should explain a bit about what it will be like to have bandmates. Bandmates are not like friends – do not live under the delusion that by having a band, you will now have new best buddies with whom you can hang out casually and watch season 2 of Golden Girls. Your bandmates will be more like family members... family members that you will sometimes need to kick in the shins when they won’t stop futzing with their pedal boards while you’re trying to coordinate tour plans. Family members that will make out with people you have crushes on using the excuse, “You’re the one who bought me that third Jager shot, dude.” Family members who will spill Yoo-hoo in your tube amp and then attempt to pacify you by suggesting that, “it’s not like you’re all that good at guitar anyway.” And you will live and die for these people. You will get in fights for these people – fights you would never have imagined jumping into before and which make absolutely no sense, no matter how many times your bandmates insist that “it was a question of honor.”

For example, members of a band which, for the sake of this article, we shall call “VAGIANT” once went to see a Joan Jett show with members of a band whom, in order to protect their reputations, we shall call “The Acro-brats.” Members of said bands then followed the show (which kicked ass) with a casual game of darts at a now defunct Boston bar called P.J. Kilroy’s. The event in question centers around VAGIANT’s drummer LoWreck, whose limitless energy has resulted in such simultaneously hilarious and dangerous situations as the “Look at me, I’m a bee, I can fly, watch me climb up this stoplight and jump off” incident and the “Look at me, I’m a chef, watch me baste everyone at this party with BBQ sauce” incident. On said evening, LoWreck was throwing bad darts and getting increasingly frustrated at the results. Eventually, after throwing a dart into the jukebox, LoWreck screamed some obscenities, turned on her heel, pointed at a large frat-boy surrounded by his frat friends at a nearby frat table and shouted, “You! Yeah you, you in the douchey green hat! You suck!” In this case, “suck” had at least fourteen syllables and was punctuated with a sort of taunting, slithery Axl dance and multiple rude gestures. Now I think we can all agree that, despite this being somewhat endearing coming from a 5' tall, tattoo-covered drummer chick who talks like a 1930’s newsboy and happened to be rocking gold lamé stretch pants at the time, this is not exactly the kind of statement you imagine laying down your life for.

But there we were, VAGIANT and The Acro-brats, a group among which I outweigh all members by at least 50 lbs., suddenly squaring off with a group of enormous ‘roid-filled frat boys with bad tribal band tattoos guzzling long island iced teas. These are the type of situations that you will be forced into by your bandmates. I encourage the musicians among you, dear readers, to share similar experiences on the forums. You will undoubtedly agree that my experience of often having to engage in ridiculous confrontations due to the mood swings of my bandmates is NOT unique. (For those concerned about the outcome, it turns out that if the scrawniest member of your entourage answers “I don’t know, do we?” and puts down his beer in response to the question “Do we have a problem?” then most groups of frat boys will assume that you must be carrying some form of deadly weapon, perhaps a junk-seeking missile or Frisbee-melting ray gun, and will back off. When this happens, CALMLY LEAVE THE BAR IMMEDIATELY and resist the urge, unlike LoWreck, to turn around on the way out and shout, “In your face, douche-hat!” No musician enjoys running to the parking lot in 4-inch heels and legwarmers screeching “Bitch, I had half a PBR left!”)

Now that you understand a little more of what bandmates are, let’s start looking for them. One place to look is (I know, this will blow your minds) the INTERNET. Many internet forums are useful for finding like-minded aspiring musicians. Hopefully Rockband.com will become a useful forum for this, although you are likely to have respondents who think that Jawbreaker is just an impractical kind of candy and the Stooges are three wacky dudes in black and white that grandpa finds hysterical. Just ignore them and post anyway.

Additionally, Craigslist.org has a “musicians” page in the Community section and it can be a great way to find other aspiring musicians in your area. It is also a great way to find loser jerk-offs in your area. Post realistically and have realistic expectations. You can talk about your influences, but only if you actually intend to have a style remotely like the bands you list. I cannot tell you the number of people who will post “Looking for edgy, experimental punk guitarist for new and different band. No influences, because our music is so new and different that nothing has come before it which could even be slightly compared to it.” And then you show up, and surprise! They sound exactly like Social Distortion.

Also, no one cares about your gear. Do I care what kind of set-up my bass player uses? Hell no. I care that she is really fun and can kick the ass of any audience member who shouts “show us your boobs” (without showing us theirs.) In fact, just for you, dear reader, I shall create the greatest-ever-and-most-guaranteed-to-work-craiglist-musicians-post-ever-written-ever-ever:

Ready?

“Looking for band. I can play my instrument decently enough and will always have at least $20 every month to contribute towards a practice space. I am not a junkie or an alcoholic, but I will hold your hair back if you need me to. I do not start fights, but I will always have your back no matter how stupid you are. I will not make fun of your lyrics unless it is really warranted. I will not try to give your significant other a sketchy back massage when he/she looks ‘really stressed.’ I do not consider buying a new Iphone, being hungry, or having jury duty to be an adequate excuse for missing practice. I will load my own gear in and out of the club without whining. I have a place to live and will neither stay on your couch incessantly nor surreptitiously sleep in the practice space leaving discarded Hot Pocket wrappers as evidence.

I am genuinely doing this for fun and, though like everyone else I secretly dream of making it big, I will not get all wah-wah crybaby when 4 people show up to our show and they are all our immediate family members. I will wait until we get OFFSTAGE to yell at you about your mistakes. I will pretend that your instrument is just as difficult as mine. I will not steal your gear and exchange it for a western omelette. I am around the same age as you or at least equally immature. I do not think The Beatles, the Rolling Stones, AC/DC, or Led Zeppelin are overrated - that would be dumb. I will not ever, ever, ever tell you what to wear, although I may make fun of you if you opt to wear a vest without a shirt or if you wear sunglasses onstage. Again, I am looking for a band.”

There you go. That should do it.

In addition to the tips listed above, I’d like to provide some helpful advice to each potential member of the band.

GUITARISTS: do not list individual guitarists as your influences in any self-promoting advertisement that you undertake. I cannot stress this enough. This is the craigslist equivalent of posting “I am under the delusion that my skills are comparable to Hendrix’s. Also I have a tendency to roll my eyes while you are talking.” Additionally, when you are auditioning for a band or meeting with potential bandmates, try your VERY hardest to not play random noodley solos while they are asking you questions. I know, it goes against every fiber of your being, but it will make a positive impact if you can avoid it!

BASSISTS: you will most likely have the easiest time joining a band. Bassists quit bands a lot. It’s not entirely clear to me why bassists have such a high rate of attrition – apparently a great number of them have “other priorities” such as “their art” or “their film-making” or “their desire NOT to wake up in Worcester on the couch of some weird guy whose name sounded like Corbup coated in a fine dusting of cat hair and Gardetto’s Snack Mix.” So as long as you are either talented or attractive, you should have no trouble joining a band.

SINGERS: Write songs. Write songs WITH guitar parts if possible – it doesn’t matter if they are crappy, it just matters that you can communicate your song ideas to your bandmates. I auditioned for a second band recently (while suffering from a thankfully short-lived but severe case of Frontman’s Disease, whose main symptom is the indignant sense that one’s true potential is being encroached upon by one’s lackadaisical bandmates) and learned a lot from the experience. First, I am not very talented. Second, my laugh sounds like a dog barfing when I am nervous. And third, bands expect a LOT from singers. Like, they expect you to actually construct the melody of the song instead of understanding that with all your deep, emotional angst, you can’t be “forced” to create music on command like some sort of music-creating monkey! It’s exhausting, but at least in the end, you will get all the decent groupies.

DRUMMERS: if you are a drummer, tell ten people that you are looking to join a band. If you are a female drummer, tell one person. You should get a call within a week. If for some reason that doesn’t work, try hanging out at your local faux dive bar. It is easy to tell whether it is a musician-rich faux dive bar as opposed to a real dive bar – it is the former if the jukebox has Thin Lizzy and Roy Orbison on the juke box, it is the latter if anyone inside the bar reminds you of your 7th grade social studies teacher – the one with the daily pit stains the size of snare drums.

Once you find your bandmates and future fighting squad, you’ll be able to start playing music together. It will probably not be pretty at first. Luckily, next month I will be providing lots and lots of helpful hints on how to survive and thrive in those early practices. So far no members of my band have killed any other members, so I consider myself an expert on the subject. Of course, two of my bandmates have since left and been replaced after one of them once hit me in the head with a beer bottle and I made the other one cry… but I’m pretty sure it was unrelated. Good luck, future rockers – may you find your musical soulmates, and may they always smell like roses no matter how many days in a row you’ve all slept in the van.

BROADCAST, BABY!!!!

2008-07-04T18:45:02Z

WHOO-HOO!!!!!

After 8 years, I am FINALLY able to share one of my music videos online! :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N79vQiE7hps

This is the only one I have left, though... ^^;

The video is set to Final Fantasy X to the song "Ordinary World" by Duran Duran. It took me a week and a half to make.

Usually whenever I make a video, I try to match up the footage so that the motion of what you see goes along with the music, and not the lyrics... sometimes it just works out to both! :D

PLEASE GO SEE!!!!!! :3

And now: Some lyrics

2008-04-09T00:56:14Z

GLaDOS - Still Alive

This was a triumph.
I'm making a note here:
HUGE SUCCESS.
It's hard to overstate
my satisfaction.
Aperture Science
We do what we must
because we can.
For the good of all of us.
Except the ones who are dead.
But there's no sense crying
over every mistake.
You just keep on trying
till you run out of cake.
And the Science gets done.
And you make a neat gun.
For the people who are
still alive.

I'm not even angry.
I'm being so sincere right now.
Even though you broke my heart.
And killed me.
And tore me to pieces.
And threw every piece into a fire.
As they burned it hurt because
I was so happy for you!
Now these points of data
make a beautiful line.
And we're out of beta.
We're releasing on time.
So I'm GLaD. I got burned.
Think of all the things we learned
for the people who are
still alive.

Go ahead and leave me.
I think i prefer to stay inside.
maybe you'll find someone else
to help you.
maybe Black Mesa...
THAT WAS A JOKE, HA HA, FAT CHANCE.
Anyway this cake is great.
It's so delicious and moist
look at me still talking when theres science to do
when i look out there
it makes me glad I'm not you
i've experiments to run
there is research to be done
on the people who are
still alive.

and believe me I am still alive
I'm doing science and I'm still alive
i feel fantastic and I'm still alive
while your dying ill be still alive
and when your dead i will be still alive
still alive
still alive

Devil May Cry 4 - Out of Darkness

Listen to my voice calling you,
Pulling you out of darkness.
Hear the devil's cry of sin,
Always turn your back on him.

With the wind you go,
Still I dream of your spirit leading you back home.
I will give my gifts to you,
Grow your garden, watch it bloom.

The light in your eyes is an angel up high,
Fighting to ease the shadow side.
Hearts will grow though having to bend,
Leaving behind all things in the end.

Listen to my voice calling you,
Pulling you out of darkness.
Hear the devil's cry of sin,
Always turn your back on him.

The Hellion's Guide to Rock: Part One

2008-04-09T00:50:17Z

Let our in-house expert guide you to finding your ideal instrument, in Rock Band or the real world….

I STARTED playing in a band when I was really old. Like, owning an oriental rug and using the phrase "roll over my 401 K" kind of old. I’d wanted to play in a band since the first time I saw Joan Jett on television when I was still attending pre-school. But I didn’t have the balls to actually get something going until I started hanging around with a lot of musicians at work and they managed to convince me that all you really needed to start a band was the desire to do it. That, and lots and lots of Wild Turkey. 101 proof, preferably.

If you’re thinking of starting a band but don’t know how, I’ve created this simple step-by-step guide to help you out, compiled from the wisdom I accrued from doing it myself and from mercilessly hounding every "actual musician" I knew for information for several months. (By the way, unless you are a girl and a charming and easy one at that, I do not recommend hounding people in this method. It will make you seem lame, and no one will want you to open for them, and if you ever get more successful than your mentors, they will talk shit about how they played music when it "meant something" and how you’re copying their hairstyles. Musicians are great that way.)

First, some warnings about being in a band:
1. You will not make money. Ever.
2. No matter how close you are now with your future bandmates, at some point you will hate each one of them and hope they drown in their own vomit. Or yours.
3. After playing a show, you will smell like sweat, beer, and Smarties candy for about two days. No one knows why.
If you’re okay with all of that and still want to play in a band, I present to you the first installment of:

"TheHellion’s Guide to Starting a Band"

Step 1: Determining What You Play
If you don’t already know which instrument you’d like to play, here’s a simple personality test to help get you on the road to mediocrity:
Do you interview yourself while walking around? Does the imaginary hip, young writer for the Village Voice use phrases like "reminiscent of a young Iggy Pop" and "oozing with charisma" when pretend describing you? Have you ever tried to rock a long scarf and aviator sunglasses indoors at night? Do you assume that people who don’t like you are "just jealous"? Do you always manage to look good in pictures, mostly by hanging around with people who are at least a few degrees less attractive than you? If so, then you are a: SINGER.

Singing is the easiest and hardest job you can have as a member of a band. It’s the easiest because you don’t need actual talent to do it, and it’s the hardest because most of the crowd will be watching you for the majority of the performance... unless one of your bandmates is much better looking than you or has a flirtatious smirk, in which case you should fire him or her immediately. Before you start looking for bandmates, the most important things that you can do as an aspiring singer are:

1) Know what kind of band you want to be in - I’ll make this simple for you. If you are starting a band in order to get laid, then you should be fronting a rock band. If you want to get back at your parents for making you choose who to live with during the divorce, you should have a metal band. If you have ever worn an item of clothing that someone else knit for you, you should be in an indie band. If you enjoy spitting and having people give you the finger, a punk band is for you.

2) Sing the way you sing. Do not try to emulate anyone else no matter how much you love them. Guitarists can get away with it ("He reminds me of a young Tony Iommi") but singers absolutely cannot ("She is totally trying to copy Kathleen Hanna.")

3) Learn all the words to every song ever written. Once you get to the point of playing music with your band, your band mates will quickly determine which five songs they all know how to play. If the guitarist doesn’t know a song, the band won’t play it. If the bassist or drummer doesn’t the song, he or she can fake it. If you don’t know the song, they will not care at all and you will be forced to sit in the corner and sulk and think about how little they appreciate your unique genius. You will do this regardless at some point, but it’s better to head it off at the pass. Learn songs.

Are you really good at stopping fights between your friends by saying things like, "Come on dudes, you guys are like brothers, let’s just play already!"? Do you spend a lot of time arguing about which legendary mainstream bands are overrated and which obscure ‘60s garage bands are underrated? Are you always the one who ends up holding your friends’ hair back while they barf and saying calming things like, "Don’t even worry about it, no one even noticed that you were out of tune for the entire show"? Do you like brooding quietly and gently correcting people’s pronunciation of "espresso"? If so, then you are a BASSIST.
As a bassist, you are the only member of the band that has the following option:

1) You can work really hard and be really, really good. If you like Zeppelin or early Metallica, you should go with this option. You should also choose this option if you are ugly.

2) You can slack off and just play the root notes. If you like the Sex Pistols and sleeping a whole lot, this is a viable option. This is also an excellent choice if you tried playing guitar and gave up on it because you couldn’t play bar chords. I don’t recommend this option unless you are really popular and have pretty hair.

The most important thing you can do before you start playing with a band is to actually listen critically to the bass lines in the songs you like. If you do this already, then you’re definitely a bassist and have made the right choice. You should also consider taking a class in conflict resolution because you’re going to be holding down the entire operation. Everyone in your band will be a bigger jerk than you are and you are going to have to mitigate. You should also consider learning graphic design because no one else in the band will have the motivation to make posters for shows or design your album art except possibly the singer but he or she cannot draw and will try to get you to agree to a photoshoot involving train tracks or a chain link fence.

Have you slept on friends’ couches for more than 5 nights this year because your girlfriend/boyfriend kicked you out of her/his place? Do you work out? Are you one hundred percent positive that the rest of the band could not possibly survive without you? Do you "not know what the big deal is" about wearing shorts on stage? Do you do that annoying slapping-your-thighs-along-to-songs-
in-the-backseat-of-your-friend’s-car thing? Do you own towels used for the express purpose of mopping up sweat? Do you like Rush, even the stuff after Moving Pictures? If so, then you are a DRUMMER.

The great thing about being a drummer is that you are always gonna be desirable. Not to the audience (haha, like anyone would ever want to take a drummer home – everyone knows that if you take one of those things home, you end up having to feed it and clean up after it until it resents you and steals your George Foreman grill) but to other aspiring musicians. So unless you really suck, you can always find a band that needs a steady drummer.

There are two things that are particularly hard about playing drums:

1) It’s like exercise. Ugh. Don’t bother playing drums unless you have the energy of a coked-up five year old in the ball pit at Chuck E. Cheese.

2) You have to find somewhere to practice. Since listening to people practice drums is almost worse than listening to Limp Bizkit, most people will not want you to do it in their house or apartment building. If you have a basement or really freaking cool parents, you might be okay, otherwise you’re gonna have to improvise and use some gumption. One tried-and-true method is finding some past-their-prime drummer in your town and pretend to idolize him or her. Drummers are easily flattered by nature, and with a few choice compliments and a carefully placed, "Man, I wish I could play like you but I can’t afford to rent a practice space and my dad won’t let me play because he says drummers aren’t real musicians" you may find yourself with a mentor who is willing to let you bang on his or her kit while he or she is hanging out at the local record shop talking smack about how cocky guitarists are.

Do you find that you’d rather dry hump a can of Diet Sprite than sit down for five minutes and finalize lyrics? Are you convinced that it’s "supposed to be about fun"? Were most of your girlfriends/boyfriends previously involved with friends of yours and it isn’t your fault if they showed up on your doorstep drunk one night? Are you perpetually 35 minutes late to everything because you are a really busy person with a life and nobody seems to understand that? Do you feel that the Stones could’ve been successful with any singer but that without Keef they would’ve been nothing? If so, you are a GUITARIST.

So here’s the thing about playing guitar: you should probably be good at it. This means practicing kind of a lot. If you’re broke, you can actually learn to play really well without taking lessons - Jimmy Page, Joe Perry, and Jimi Hendrix were all self-taught. The other thing they have in common is that they clearly all made deals with the devil because in all likelihood, you will never play as well as any of them whether you’re self-taught or not. Still, it’s pretty inspiring to know that if you have a good ear and you work really hard, you can get good. Having said that, I highly recommend taking lessons if you can shell out the dough. I went the self-taught route and ended up having annoying conversations in my band that went like this:

Chrissie (my super-talented bassist): "What chord are you playing right before the bridge?"
Me: (pointing at my own hand) "I don’t know, this one."
Chrissie: "Is that C sharp?"
Me: (pointing at hand) "I don’t know, who cares? It’s THIS one, the one that sounds GOOD when you play it right before the bridge."
Chrissie: "I think that’s C sharp."
Me: "Okay, I’m gonna call it ‘The Spider’ because that’s a way better name. So we’ll just call it that from now on."
Chrissie: "Um, how about you call it C sharp since that’s what it is."
Me: "I was lying when I said I liked your shoes."

So long story short, learn to play guitar before you start the band. If you’re just starting out, listen to a lot of AC/DC. I dunno why, exactly, but it will make you better.

If you’ve read all of this and feel that none of these descriptions fit you, then you might be better off in one of those "musical ensembles" that are all proud of the fact that they aren’t adhering to a traditional notion of what a band is. You can play electric viola or a bunch of different-sized empty cardboard boxes and put the word "Experience" in your name and play edgy modern covers of old Willie Nelson tunes. Have fun with that.

For the rest of you, stay tuned. For now, you can bask in the glory that you are a necessary and integral part of a band. Unless you play slap bass, in which case you are pretty much just annoying.

Until next time,

The Hellion

For my character on "Gaia Online"

2007-12-05T12:45:28Z

I CAN'T GET IT TO WORK!!! :( It keeps saying "Array". :(

Jaden Addams RP guild request:

Hello. :3 Let's see... this is where i say why I wanna join this guild, right? Okay, then. I've only recently joined Gaia, and I'm still trying to learn the ins and outs of it, but so far I'm really liking it. I mostly made this character's handle out of my love for "The Addams Family", and have been looking forward to RPing the part.

I'm hoping to get regular net access soon, so I was looking around the RP forums to see which RP guilds might be good to join. Since yours says it's for mid-level and higher, it'd probably be good for a guy like me who has a lot of text-RP experience, but is still learning the ropes for this whole site.
But, I guess i should warn you that until I get regular net access, I can only post maybe once a week... ^^;; Hopefully it'll change REAL soon!

Now... Here's my sample RP:

Jaden hoisted his backpack onto his shoulders with a soft grunt. He was certain that all his essentials for the coming pilgrimage were there: Change of clothes, washing board, toothbrush, toothpaste, floss, chisel, deodorant, soap, acid, shampoo, conditioner, hair glue, hair dryer, toilet paper, flashlight, screwdriver set, CDs, CD radio, short-Band radio, arsenic, dynamite, and all the other things that any Addams would need were all safely packed away in his backpack, or his "Bag of Tricks", as he called it. The backpack itself seemed to be writhing and churning as he secured the shoulder straps.

"Now stop that, Nefertiti! I just fed you!" He regarded the backpack with an annoyed glance. "It won't be for too long... Just until we get to our new home."

As far as plants went, the African Strangler he'd named Nefertiti was probably the most impatient plant he'd ever raised. It had been a gift from his Aunt Morticia, The very one whose letter had prompted him to leave his comfortable surroundings of Centralia, Pennsylvania.

He looked over the letter he'd received, Aunt Morticia's voice ringing in his head as he read.

~Dearest Nephew Jaden,
I hope this letter reaches you in good health. I hope that Nefertiti is doing well, also. Cleopatra has been so nervous lately. I think she still feels connected to her baby.
You HAVE been feeding her properly, haven't you? Please remember: Hamburger is a nice and nutritious diet for any African Strangler. But you must not allow her to gulp her food. If she burps too much, she'll start losing her leaves.

But at any rate, on to the point.

It is my understanding that you have recently come of age, and are looking for a place to further your creative aspirations as a musician.
Since our own Pugsley and Wednesday have recently left home on their own pursuits, your Uncle Gomez and I have decided to take a vacation of our own. We think that some time alone in an inspiring environment might be just what you need to get those wonderful melodies out of you. You will, of course, be properly paid for your duties as "House-Sitter".

We have sent our loyal hand-servant, Thing, with this letter. He will be happy to point you the way. Upon arrival, Lurch shall be happy to give you a tour of the grounds. If you ever need his assistance, please pull any of the nearby nooses.

Love, as always,
Aunt Morticia~

He beamed with pride as he realized just how much Aunt Morticia was trusting him. And he had been to The Addams House before. Such a lovely and regal mansion. However, he still felt a little awkward relying on the funds that Aunt Morticia had supplied him with. He felt like a leech. Leeches were all fine and good for their medical purposes, but they could hardly earn money... And given that he was trying to earn money through an art, He realized that an alternate source of income would be necessary.

Maybe he could rent out the rooms of the lovely Addams Estate and use THOSE funds to pay for the upkeep. Certainly if he tried hard to keep the residents happy, it would be MORE than enough to keep the place in good condition! His determination shined in his eyes as he walked to a nearby table, whose only companion was a small, but intricately designed box that couldn't possibly contain any more than a bundle of cigars.

"Thing? Let's get going!!!"

At that moment, a hand opened the box from the inside and gave Jaden the "Thumbs up" gesture.

Jaden smiled and picked up the box as he set off on his own adventure.

My entry into "Customers Suck"

2007-10-31T17:15:41Z

http://community.livejournal.com/customers_suck/23551233.html

sigh

2007-10-31T07:22:12Z

Well, surprise surprise, I'm in a bummer mood again...

I dunno... I feel like I'm stuck in a complete and total rut. Financially, Spiritually, Emotionally, Socially, Physically, Universally.

And, since I do have an overall nasty habit of keeping things pent up, this is going to be my official "dumping" post.

I officially hate my job. I could tell that when i stopped caring about being late. I always used to try and work hard, but I'm starting to care less and less. It's a "people" job. And i've never liked being forced to put up with people who deserve to be hit with a tack hammer for their stupidity. I actually had someone ask me what the difference is between Bone-In and Bone-Out Wings. >< I should have the right to drop the Hammer of Pain on people THAT fucking stupid. And then, even when I do my best to help these people out, i generally get hicks and trash who don't even leave ANYTHING. And these people are perfectly aware of the fact that I'm the only server in the dining room. That's 14 tables at any given combination. Okay, I'm sorry that I can't show you to your table, but at the moment, I'm cashing people out, labeling carry-out orders, answering phones for deliveries, cutting pizzas as they come out AND, in some cases, MAKING THE DAMN FOOD! So you'll excuse me if I'm not "friendly"! >< I get easily stressed, anyway...

So then I go home. Where all I do is just sit there and play my games. Normally, I like this, but lately, I've just stopped seeing the point. I bought Guitar Hero 3 the other day and i'm already getting bored with it. I've finally learned a song on the real guitar. "Zombie" by the Cranberries. But it's all I've got as far as that's concerned. Somehow it seems incredibly appropriate.

I'm getting a new roommate soon. I don't know how well it's going to go, but, so far, he's already getting on my nerves. People at work are taking bets on how long it'll be before I kill him.

Other than that, I really only have one friend. We have a lot of fun, but recently I decided that i can not drink anymore. That's really all we ever do: Get drunk and play video games. I was fine with it when I was drunk, but now that I'm not drinking, it's like I'm going somewhere else to do the exact same thing I do at home. I get along well with other people at work in spite of my attitude, but I'm never invited anywhere. And if i were, you can bet there will be drinking involved. And i just can't. Because once I start, I can't stop. And when I drink, I smoke. Right now, my body seems to be screaming at me to stop both. I got so fucking plastered the other night I ended up TOTALLY coming on HARD onto one of my straight guy friends. Yeah... THAT was an awkward makeout session. Thank God it seems he blacked it out... that or he's just not bringing it up.

I'm pretty sure I'm dying. I'd like to see a doctor about it, but I have no way to get to one. If I could, they wouldn't see me because I can't pay, and when I end up in the E.R. due to my panic attacks, they keep telling nothing's wrong. So I guess i'm just nuts.

So... things that up until now I've always treasured and seen as fundamental parts of being human, and even being alive are starting to look worthless. If life is a spiral, then I guess I'm getting pretty close to the bottom. At this moment, the two things that are keeping me alive are

One: The fact that it's forbidden by just about every religion on the planet, and if there IS something worse than death, I really don't want to risk it.

Two: I do still cling to the hope that things will eventually get better. I don't know how or when... but I can at least stick around to see it.

Of course, the first thing doesn't mean much when most religions say you're already damned, anyway. And the whole idea, all of it... I don't even know what to make of it. I've tried my best to understand, and figure it out, but it just wears me out. I just have to try to believe in .... something... anything.

I don't really even know why I'm posting this... I guess it's a cry for help. And yeah, maybe i'm throwing myself a pity party. But you know what? I don't care... After everything that happening, I really just don't care anymore.

Why am I not supposed to cry for myself when it seems like I just can't do anything and nothing goes right?

zuru zuru zuru zuru....

Maybe I'm just moping... but at the moment, I don't really have a reason not to... everything sucks...

Eventually, I'll go to sleep. At least then, I'm relaxed. I wake up feeling generally better... at least until I go to work and it starts all over again...

I'll keep going for now.... I really don't have a choice... I'll try to do the things that make me happy for the moment and hope that maybe something great will come of that... but I not going to get my hopes up... I just can't.

Scary night.

2007-09-20T05:25:02Z

Oi... It's been such a long time since I've posted in this thing that i don't even know where to begin....

Long story short:
1: My first roommate was a violent asshole who practically ripped my head off for feeding the cat.
2. My second roommate was much cooler. My only problem is that he doesn't pick up after himself.
3. Ended up back in the hospital due to stress. They gave me some stuff for it and the number of a follow-up doctor. I've applied for financial aid, and am hoping that will be enough to keep me out of the hole.
4. My new roommate is moving out soon to move in with his dad. I guess you can't beat a $200 a month rent payment.
5. I've already signed another year lease with another guy, who's just back fresh from boot camp. He's a little weird and asks dumb questions sometimes, but we get along.
6. After developing a chronic breathing problem AND a stomachache, I've sworn off drinking and smoking until i learn how serious it is. I was down to drinking only once a week for a while, and whenever i drank, I smoked. But now I can't really enjoy either. And of course, with that, my manias have come back with a vengeance, and I SERIOUSLY am starting to feel like I did back when i committed myself. So, I popped one of the pills I got from the E.R. and isolated myself from anyone I could aggravate. Except Kula, who had the unfortunate luck to be on YIM. :P *winks at Kula*

All in all, I think that's it. I'm gonna call the follow-up doctor they refferred to me, and I guess I'll just call them and explain that I have no money, and no car to even get to the office, and just ask them for any sort of options they can think of just to get me out there and try to fix all the damage I've done to myself... Then.... hopefully... I'll be back on the road to getting healthy.... and stable....

Pray for me. 'Cause I'm not sure if God's listening to me anymore....

Jackie Chan's Street Fighter Moment

2007-08-28T23:38:50Z

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYweptE-dl0&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Flj%2Dtoys%2Ecom%2F%3Fjournalid%3D343914%26moduleid%3D15%26auth%5Ftoken%3Dsessionless%3A1188342000%3Aembedcontent%3A343914%25261#

GO. WATCH. NOW.

G.H.3

2007-08-22T01:32:40Z

Finally got around to lookin up screenshots for Guitar Hero 3.

Johnny Napalm's new look is awesome. But what in the FUCK did they do to the singer's face?
http://ve3d.ign.com/images/327/Xbox-360/Guitar-Hero-III-Legends-of-Rock

I'm also a bit disappointed that they've axed Pandora. Somethin' about melding her looks with Judy Nails. Fuckers.

Yup. I'm countin' the days...

18 and Life

2007-07-25T22:35:58Z

by Skid Row

Ricky was a young boy, He had a heart of stone.
Lived 9 to 5 and worked his fingers to the bone.
Just barely got out of school, came from the edge of town.
Fought like a switchblade so no one could take him down.
He had no money, oooh no good at home.
He walked the streets a soldier and he fought the world alone
And now it's

18 and life You got it
18 and life you know
Your crime is time and it's
18 and life to go

18 and life You got it
18 and life you know
Your crime is time and it's
18 and life to go

Tequila in his heartbeat, His veins burned gasoline.
It kept his motor running but it never kept him clean.
They say he loved adventure, "Ricky's the wild one."
He married trouble and had a courtship with a gun.
Bang Bang Shoot 'em up, The party never ends.
You can't think of dying when the bottle's your best friend
And now it's

18 and life You got it
18 and life you know
Your crime is time and it's
18 and life to go

18 and life You got it
18 and life you know
Your crime is time and it's
18 and life to go

"Accidents will happen" they all heard Ricky say
He fired his six-shot to the wind that blew a child away.

18 and life You got it
18 and life you know
Your crime is time and it's
18 and life to go

18 and life You got it
18 and life you know
Your crime is time and it's
18 and life to go

G.H. 80

2007-07-25T05:30:41Z

Guitar Hero Encore Rocks the 80's...

As awesome as the song list is, (and believe me, it IS awesome), I do have to admit, I was just a bit disappointed. I mean... only 30 songs? Come on.

And how could they make a music game based on 80's songs with none by Billy Idol? Or the Bangles? Two reccomendations for ya: "Dancing with Myself" and "Hazy Shade of Winter". Yeah, sure, the Bangles just covered it, but their version was MUCH more awesome.

And I STILL didn't get the B-52s' "Rock Lobster" included in the set list... This is a personal favorite and goal, so I can't really say anything about it being "essential" 80's music other than the fact that you can find it on practically EVERY NEW WAVE COMPILATION IN THE COUNTRY! >< Not to mention the fact that Pandora's 80's makeover was straight up B-52s look.

But, all things said and done, they did have a solid set list. I mean, "The Warrior" was my first favorite song EVER, so I was dancin' when I found out that it was included. And I also like the retro look they gave Johnny Napalm. Partially because it was the hairstyle I had when I was a kid. :P

Anybody else play it?

And while we're at it: Question.

Who's the hottest Guitar Hero in your opinion.

One vote for Johnny Napalm. Go!

Phoenix Wrong

2007-06-26T23:30:09Z

I'd seen a few clips of Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney for the DS on G4 a few times... it seemed interesting enough...

But after seeing these videos, I want it BAD! XD

Boot to the Head:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFldBVWFgWo

No Sh!t, Sherlock
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQZFwBRAvyk&mode=related&search=#

The yaoi perspective.

2007-06-26T21:55:45Z

Ya know... after playing Dirge of Cerberus, I ended up watching Advent Children again, and it really got me to thinking about the story of FF7 in general. And ya know what, I can understand why Cloud seems to be so much more moody in the recent installments than he was in the original game.

Because that man has been EVERYONE'S bitch.

Aeris's, Tifa's, Sephiroth's, Hojo's.... I'm pretty sure Yuffie snuck one in there somewhere... Zack's...

He's FF7's poster-bitch. And there's about 1500 doujinshi out there that seem to agree with me.

I guess that's why I identify more with Vincent. People fuck him over... he locks himself in a coffin for 30 years.

Vincent: Man... FUCK you bitches!!! Bastard scientists, stealin my girl, shootin me and then fuckin up my DNA... LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!!! *SLAM*

~Thirty Years Later~

Cloud: *knock*knock*knock*

Vincent: Grrrrr... unless you're a hot fucking blonde with a dynamite body, go the FUCK away!!!

Cloud: ...... *knock*knock*knock*

Vincent: Okay, smartass, you want a piece o' me, *Tha-wump* I'll kick you-... Oh... hello... :)

~This has been a Jaden-Kun(R) rant~

Oh... got this from Sher:

My japanese name is 長谷川 Hasegawa (long valley river) 一真 Kazuma (one reality).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

Sad.

2006-07-25T18:16:53Z

I don't know why, but I feel pretty bummed right now...

I think it's just boredom... and a bit of the ol' lonliness kickin' in again...

I jammed the living FUCK out of the tip of my thumb when I was cleaning the make table at work... It was on the little crumb tray part. It was metal, and managed to cut at least halfway down my thumbnail and sliced through the damn tip like butter.

I'm keeping it banaged and clean. I hope nothing bad comes out of it... it was a pretty deep and bloody cut... I can't lose this thumb.... this is the "action" button thumb! :P

But, on to boredom... I just don't have anything to do online... guess I should do the dishes... but I can't until I get a pair of gloves so my bandage doesn't get wet. ><

I'd play some video games... I just printed out two FAQS on Siren.... but I just don't feel like it right now...

I was SO fucking sick yesterday from drinking without eating all day. >< I'm fine now, though...

I DID, however, have a freaky dream.

.....I don't even wanna think about it...

Snatch

2006-07-24T17:09:54Z

*turns on his Southern accent text*

Kel turned me on'tuh this movie. T'sa British "gangster" movie... y'guys shood check'it out...

N'fer sum reason, Ah ended up identifyin' wth'tha "Pikey" character, Mickey.

An'yeh, Ah'know i's Brad Pitt an' e's sexy n'all that.... but i'was mor've 'is attitude...

Check it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHYGliJuHHk&mode=related&search=Snatch

A goal

2006-07-23T12:33:39Z

I want to go to another anime convention...

I want to cosplay as "Demyx", from Kingdom Hearts.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v199/jadenkun/demyx7wl.jpg , http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v199/jadenkun/sketch_demyx001.jpg

And for my skit... I wanna bust out into the "Hamtaro Dance"! XD http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oM6cY9UczC4

It would be SO DEMYX!!!! XD Hell, every gamer I've talked to thinks he's gay, anyway, so why the fuck not!? XD It would be good for laughs, anyway, I think! XD

I could even coordinate it, so I'd have a crowd of "fans" cheering me on... so as not to get nervous... hell, they do it on MTV all the time. :P

Kairi and Namine's "Gay Boyfriends"

2006-07-21T08:56:44Z

I was laughing SO hard when I watched this video, that my roomies were looking at me like I was crazy. (I had the headphones on. :P)

It's just so true... With Sora and Riku, not to mention Roxas and Axel... Just watch... I thought it was HILARIOUS! XD

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=38UnUqIDY5w&mode=related&search=

Ni!

2006-07-16T07:37:41Z

Take the quiz:
Which Holy Grail Character Are You?

The Knight Who Says Ni
We are the keepers of the sacred words: 'Ni', 'Peng', and 'Neee-wom'!

Quizzes by myYearbook.com -- the World's Biggest Yearbook!

yoinked from arzach_kunikida

So...

2006-07-14T13:53:54Z

There's this guy at work... who I thought was kind of cute...

Today, after work, we got to talking... I ended up talking to him about many things at first... nothing too descript, though... Mostly about his own depression and drug use... I try not to see people for their addictions, because I have my own to deal with. Far be it for me to look down on anyone for using a substance to help them get by...

Then, I ended up buying beer for him. He's 20, so he's gotta wait a bit.

Then he got to talking about the women who fucked him over. He was talking to Daniel at that point. He then said that he could understand how guys "went gay" after the things he's gone through with women.

I paused in the middle of drinking my soda, staring from him to Daniel with a bit of a "Did he just say what I think he just said?" look on my face.

Now... no straight man would ever consider such things if they weren't already having such feelings.... that's what I've always believed.

At least, he would probably be Bi.

Then he asked me if I WAS gay. I confirmed it, and then he basically poured his heart out, talking about his past girlfriends who screwed him over. Pretty sad stuff...

Then he mentioned that he MAY be interested in trying out "the other side".

"Other side".... Nice way of putting it....

Then he even said that if he decided to try, that I seemed like a cool guy who knew what men have to go through... and that i myself, knew what it was like to have my heart broken.

You have NO idea... was all I could say...

In a way... I was intrigued... This guy is cute... and also, really seems like a good person...

But there's a bit of precaution to be added to anyone who thinks their sexuality can be changed like clothing... THAT much, I feel, is adamant...

I'm not sure what I should do...

Or... is this what they call "flirting"?

Battling the addictions

2006-07-13T05:42:02Z

Welp, fighting with my smoking habit is going to be a lot harder than fighting my drinking habit. No beer tonight, but I've found myself sifting through ashtrays for half-smoked cigarettes. the good news is, I've only smoked the equivalent of one cigarette today.

I've also decided to only drink when I'm not working the next day.... it'll just make things easier for me since I'm already on the ropes for calling out on Sunday. Now I've gotta find a way to make up for it. Maybe I can ask the closing server if he/she wants to switch off. That would give me more tips, and more money for the apartment. Mike hasn't said much about it. I think i'm going to call and ask about it tomorrow, just to make sure everything's going smoothly. Plus I need to ask Mike about the details with getting the electric switched over.

D.N.Angel's turning out to be an even better series than I hoped! :3 And Dark.... *droooooool* Ah, why can't I find a guy like that IRL? :P I'm trying to finish at least the 3rd DVD tonight before I go to bed. I wanna be able to watch the whole series on Val's big-screen plasma T.V. with surround sound. XD In between episodes, I'm checking the Revolutionary Academy board, hoping for someone to continue the threads I'm involved in... *sigh* BBS RPs move WAY too slow for my tastes... but his one's a great board, so I don't mind AS much....

Ya know... I also saw the first two series of Utena at Best Buy. The Student Council series WITH the movie was like, $25 and the Black Rose series was around $35. I didn't see the Sex Car series, though... I REALLY love that series, so I'll definitely have to snatch it up when I get the extra funds...

I talked to my Dad today, who wished me a happy birthday. He wants me to come up and visit him for a couple of days. I told him I'd see what I could do. Because the way my schedule works, it'd be really hard to squeeze in... not to mention the fact that I really couldn't afford missing any shifts now...

I need to refill my phone and call Gran... I haven't talked to her in a month, and I'm sure she probably already knows what happened with me and Spider... I hope she's not too worried...

I guess that's all that happening right now... back to Dar... uhm... D.N.Angel. :P

Later!

(And yes, I'm addicted to the opening song. :P)

Tipsy's a Mommy! :D

2006-07-13T02:45:01Z

Val's cat, Tipsy, just had a litter of 5 kittens! Noone was expecting this! :D They're so tiny! Four are solid black in color, and the other is patterned black and white just like its mom! :3

I'm a bit worried, though. There's Ash, the male cat, and I'm assuming at this point, the father. What was it I read somewhere about needing to keep the father away from the kittens for a while? Or even altogether?

Then there's Shady, the German Shepherd puppy... she likes to chew on EVERYTHING.

I think that Shady should probably be kept outside until the kittens are at least more than a mouthful....

Anyone? Some advice here?

Hehehe... Andy says they were probably born last night. We have the same B-day! XD

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

2006-07-12T02:57:27Z

This year, I got:

Two special-edition cell-phone wallpapers created by merisua! I now have wallpaper of Terra and Locke from FF6, plus a REALLY kawaii one of Locke, Sabin and Edgar in a group hug! XD I love the cheesy grin on Sabin's face! XD

Icing-loaded cupcakes and $60 in Best Buy gift certificates from Val and Andy. Which I then used to buy the entire series of DNAngel, the first new anime I've bought in YEARS!!! XD They also gave me a $15 Kroger card for smokes and beer. And as I said last night, it will be my last binge drinkfest for a while, and my last pack of smokes EVER.

"Happy B-days" from my mom, sister, and many friends. :3

Altogether, this has probably been one of the best birthdays I've had in recent years. :3 Thanks to everyone who wished me Happy B-day! :3 It's time for me to get drunk and watch DNAngel! XD

DAAAAAAAAAAAAAARK MOOOOOOOOOUSYYYYYYYYYYY.....

Later! :D

It's coming...

2006-07-11T01:25:57Z

Yup.... as of tomorrow, I will no longer be a 25-year-old virgin...

I'll be a 26-year-old virgin.... ><

Yup... tomorrow's my birthday... and the funny part is, I didn't even remember that until about 4 or 5 days ago...

I'm not looking forward to anything on it... as far as I'm concerned, it's just another day of boring.

I figure, if anything... maybe I can make it into a turning point. My ONE resolution: STOP. FUCKING. SMOKING. You stupid, masochistic JACKASS!!! >< Even when your chest hurts THIS much, you keep puffin away! ><

But, I figure tomorrow I'll make it my last day. And no more wussin' out this time...

Ya know... I think that Kelson may be a bad influence on me. I mean, I like him... he's fun to hang with most of the time, and even though his atheism often clashes with my own religious beliefs, I still think he's a generally good guy.

But... every time I hang out with him, he keeps me up till 10 in the fucking morning. ><

And since he drinks like a fish and smokes like a chimney, I often end up finding myself doing the same thing. Which wouldn't really be too much of a problem if it were only once a week or so... But I usually end up hanging with him 2-3 times a week.

I got so exhausted that yesterday, I faked sick and called in to work.

And he was the one who kept trying to convince me that I should... He really pissed me off with it, too... Don't. fucking. Push me. Okay?

I dunno... I think I'm just gonna hafta cut our hang-out days down to once per week.... and use the other days to catch up on my rest...

>< I just hope he doesn't get mad about it.